Mad at the Internet
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What it takes to keep a one-man enterprise online when it makes everyone Mad at the Internet.
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Cheesed to Meet You (August 27th, 2025)

Hello gamers,

If you're reading this on Gumroad, you might not know that I am doing monthly cheese reviews. I got so annoyed at not being able to find cheese I literally just bought a subscription to get cheese. In addition, I want to write that cheese off on my taxes, because I am a true American, and to facilitate that I am reviewing the cheese I get.

If you're reading this on Locals, you might be surprised to see "Gumroad" mentioned. Stripe, less than 24 hours after telling me to go fuck myself and that they'd never reinstate my accounts and that their decision is final and that Trump's Executive Order doesn't even apply to them because they don't even consider themselves a financial service (literally), then emailed me the next morning letting me know that Kick and Gumroad are reinstated. Fascinating! We'll talk more about that on Friday. First, cheese.

I was more than a little disappointed last month but right now I am enthralled in the throws of Positive Pollydom and so I wanted to clear my head, enjoy my cheese maximally, and spent even more time doing my photos of the cheese. Everything I show you for these posts is something taken with my camera and assembled just for the Locals/Gumroad. Yes, really. It's relaxing - don't judge. I'm also stoked for Fall.

Cabot Clouthbound Cheddar

Let's get the cheddar out of the way. The day would come where I'd get cheddar with this subscription and despite the memes I do not hate cheddar. My complaint has always been that cheddar is ubiquitous in American supermarkets, and I believe a lot of Americans mistake the abundance and different types of cheddar (especially blended cheddar which is just cheap cheese and jalepenos or some stupid bullshit) as having "a lot of cheese." I disagree.

However this is real cheddar and it's from a small farm in Vermont. As it turns out, a lot of cheese comes from Vermont despite being such a small state. Good for them. It's aged 9~13 months.

This is a good cheese and it's complex. The inner flesh is very earthy, the card describes it as 'brothy' which I might think means that "cheddar flavor" that's really hard to describe. It's true, the cheddar flavor is strong, and it does crave being paired with burger. Hot beef fat melting this cheese would be awesome.

However, the wheel is also wrapped in a cloth (hence the name) and the outer edge of the cheese is like a completely different flavor. It's very smooth, like pure cream, and it's interesting how complex it is as a consequence of this gradient. It's actually a really nice eating experience.

Will put on burger.

L'Amuse Gouda

You may be confused looking at the pictures but the gouda is the really bright orange one. That's not the cheddar. Gouda doesn't usually look that color but this one is aged 2 years, an absurd length for Gouda. It's out of the Netherlands.

It has that crunchy texture from the protein crystals but it's not the crunchiest I've ever had, it's still quite smooth. What's really hard to describe is that it tastes like alcohol on the back of the tongue. I was completely dumbfounded by how it tasted and I swear to god it reminds me of Johnny Walker Blue Label. The card says it is "hazelnut and deep caramel" in its notes, and I think that "deep caramel" is also something they use to describe certain fancy liquors. It's actually really good and makes me want a glass of alcohol to go with it. The card calls for Bordeaux or a Double IPA but that's bullshit, it needs hard liquor that was aged in a barrel. I guess you can't write that on the fancy card though.

I don't know what to pair this with. I might just eat it on crackers. When you're an adult, you can eat cheese and drink liquor. Nobody can stop you.

Gruyere 1655

Probably my least favorite just because it had strong competition. It's not bad it's just the weakest of the three. I'd have preferred either a blue cheese or soft cheese just to spice it up.

14 months out of Switzerland. The card says this is like an artisan cheese monger who makes 20 wheels a day every day including Christmas. The cows, of course, are the happiest and most neutral of all the cows, grazing on idealic mountainsides, maintaining a friendly-yet-considerate distance from the German cows so as not to provoke them.

I had to look up what you put a Gruyere in because it has a strange flavor that's on the higher side of medium in terms of intensity. The Internet says French Onion Soup. I am considering making French Onion Soup with it.

I can't talk about French Onion Soup without thinking of a Napoleonic-era military song where the French army sings about French Onion Soup because apparently the word Onion and Austria are very similar in their language.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p3BHyOhVXmE

The crackers that came with it were pumpkin seed flavored Potter's Crackers from Wisconsin and the jelly was "Pure Cider Jelly" from Vermont. Both are literally amazing and they pair all three cheeses fantasticly.

As I munched my crackers, jelly, and cheeses, it dawned on me why skinny rich people are so obsessed with high quality foods. When I think about food now, it is always in the context of how much I can eat each day without losing my diet. There is quite literally no worse feeling in the entire world than saving 1000 calories out of 1600 to have Taco Bell for dinner and then having dry rice and beef and mushy beans. On a bad day it can stoke the fires of depression so hot it may bring you to tears. You look forward to dinner all day and then it is this soul crushing goy slop.

When you're fat, no such depression exists. You can simply eat your shitty Taco Bell and then try your luck at Burger King instead. I always wondered why Amberlynn weighed 600 pounds but ate literally nothing but plain white rice, and now I know. There is no impetus for her to eat anything good because she can eat as much as she wants. You'd not think it work that way, but it do.

Anyways. It was good cheese. Maybe I should get into wine, too. That might have to wait for Trump to enslave the payment processors first so I can afford it. I'll need a country club to share my wine and cheese with and I can't afford that.

Have a great day.

Thank you for your support.

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Thankful and Thunkful (November 30th, 2025)

The Positive Polly Mindset is more of a Positive Polly Grindset. It's not a singular choice, it is an active and ongoing series of choices that are made over such a length of time that they eventually become how you are perceived as opposed to a mood or a phase.

At this moment I am not very Positive Polly. I don't think there is a singular reason for it. I just am not. It is additionally frustrating when you are generally unhappy but you are not unhappy with anything in particular. I cannot point to a specific thorn in my side and say, "this is bothering me and without it I would finally be happy". There are obvious candidates for thorn-removal, but it would not make me happy overall. That's why I say depression is a choice: there's nothing truly weighing me down, so my general misanthropy at this moment can only be characterized as a deliberate effort on my part. Incidentally that further reinforces my mood, knowing that it is something that falls on me to deal with and is not anyone else's responsibility to maintain it.

I think for years there was a hope that if we got over the LFJ/Keffals hump there would be a big breakthrough and all my wildest dreams would come true. That did now happen. I have not yet mentioned this on podcast but we "won", effectively LFJ said on BlueSky that he was done going after the forum except for an occasional doxxxxing where he felt it was warranted, but aggressively pursuing the site is over.

Now that I am a huge winner, it is back to maintaining exactly what I was before the event. I'm not further ahead, I didn't climb a mountain. I reset my footing after a deliberate effort to make us fall. That's it. The bible verse quoted at the bottom of the forum for years now (James 4:7) says "resist the devil, and he will flee from you." It does not say "resist the devil and God will cosign your mortgage". No, for that privilege I owe to you - the reader of this message - and your patronage, which is also frustrating because I owe these community pages a lot of content for their months of support and instead I'm spending weekends eating cheese and writing NCMEC reporting tools. Which is done, by the way. Thank you.

There is an extraordinary amount of work ahead and it cannot be accomplished with a Negative Nancy. If only there was something to help with that.

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The cheese is in, boys.

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Wrångebäck

Sweden! As if it wasn't obvious from the name. Sounds like the type of cheese you'd need an Allen wrench for.

The stinkiest of the three. Supposedly the farm is a dairy farm originally founded by Monks precisely 800 years ago this year, but which abandoned cheesemaking during WW2 in favor of milk. However the current owner has "revived" an "ancient Swedish monk recipe" to try and increase profits. Must be working because I got it somehow.

Raw cow's milk with a washed rind. That's just part of the process during aging. Sometimes they leave it alone (sometimes until the shell is as hard as a rock) and sometimes they wash it with more bacteria or some sort of seasoning. They aged for 14mo and washed it.

I want to say it's a red bacteria because it has a specific odor. You can tell the difference between the red and blue bacteria if you eat enough. A lot of people say that the red is more similar to stinky feet but I really don't like those comparisons because I don't find it appetizing.

They suggest you eat it with salami, which came with. It does go well with salami. It's very pleasant, especially for an aged red. All these cheese have a kind of woody, walnut taste to them which fits the season.

Walden

The soft cheese and also the only one from America, this time from Sequatchie, TN. It was aged only 30 days which is impressive because it has a good flavor. I think they might cheat a bit because it's very salty, but that's fine. I really like salty soft cheeses. It helps with eating them as a snack. This is a single cream soft cheese and it is impressively fatty for not cheating and doing double cream.

The card says it has notes of "buttered white mushroom" which is a bit indulgent for a description. I can't imagine how snobby someone must be to sit down and come up with that kind of description for a cheese. It's gooey and salty and American, really, what more do you want? Basically describes me.

 

Brabander

Show stealer and I am almost convinced I have had this either from an earlier box or in Europe myself. It's from a small company in the south of Holland (Brabant is a region split present-day between b*Lgium and the Netherlands).

I have liked every goat cheese I have gotten. I think if I ended up ever trying to make cheese I would try to make a goat cheese. There was one particular cheese that was a blend, I think of Sheep and Goat, and I remember i fondly as one of the best things I've ever had.

Weird note that this uses vegetarian rennet. I'm sure the process of extracting rennet is horrific and I don't like thinking about it. The main thing keeping me from dedicating myself to making my own cheese is that you have to keep livestock pregnant to get milk and I don't want to dispose of unwanted offspring. It's just not in me. Not my thing.

This cheese is my thing though. If you've never had goat cheese go try it. It's very goat-y but aged cheese loses that a lot. It just becomes really smooth with a complex flavor. Probably because goats eat so much more than grass.

As always thank you very much for your support. It helps so much knowing where my baseline is each month, you can't even imagine how nice it is after years of not knowing shit.

Thank you, and I hope you had a happy Thanksgiving!
Josh


P.S. I super-super-super promise that in December I will 100,00% do something really fun that most people will like. Cross my heart and hope to die, stick a needle in my eye.

P.P.S. Yes, those cookies are real.

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